Narcissistic Personality Disorder - HelpGuide.org (2023)

Personality disorder

Do you know someone who thinks they are better than others but loses control at the slightest criticism? These tips can help you recognize the traits of narcissism and deal with a narcissist.

What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)?

The word narcissism is thrown around a lot in our selfie-obsessed, celebrity-led culture, often to describe someone who seems overly vain or self-absorbed. But psychologically, narcissism does not imply self-love, at least not the true ones. It is more accurate to say that people with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) are obsessed with an idealized, grandiose image of themselves. And they love this inflated self-image precisely because it allows them to avoid deep feelings of insecurity. But maintaining your delusions of grandeur takes a lot of work, and that's where dysfunctional attitudes and behaviors come in.

Narcissistic personality disorder involves a self-centered and arrogant pattern of thinking and behavior, a lack of empathy and consideration for other people, and an excessive need for admiration. Others often describe people with NPD as arrogant, manipulative, selfish, condescending, and demanding. This way of thinking and behaving manifests itself in all areas of the narcissist's life: from work and friendships to family and love relationships.

People with narcissistic personality disorder are extremely resistant to behavior change, even when it causes them problems. They tend to blame others. In addition, they are extremely sensitive and react badly to the slightest perception of criticism, rejection or contempt, which they perceive as a personal attack. Often, it is easier for the people in the narcissist's life to comply with their demands to avoid coldness and anger. However, by understanding more about narcissistic personality disorder, you can identify the narcissists in your life, protect yourself from their power plays, and set healthier boundaries.

Signs and symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder

great self esteem

Grandiosity is the defining characteristic of narcissism. Grandiosity is more than arrogance or conceit, grandiosity is an unrealistic sense of superiority. Narcissists believe that they are unique or "special" and can only be understood by other special people. Also, they are too good for something mediocre or average. They just want to be connected and associated with other high-level people, places, and things.

Narcissists also believe that they are better than others and expect recognition as such, even if they have done nothing to deserve it. They often exaggerate or outright lie about their accomplishments and talents. And when they talk about work or relationships, all you hear is how much they contribute, how great they are, and how lucky the people in their lives are to have them. They are the undisputed star and they are all a bit of a gamer at best.

He lives in a fantasy world that supports his megalomania.

Since reality does not support their grandiose view of themselves, narcissists live in a fantasy world fueled by distortions, self-deception, and magical thinking. They create self-aggrandizing fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, attractiveness, and ideal love that make them feel special and in control. These fantasies shield them from feelings of inner emptiness and shame, so facts and opinions that contradict them are ignored or rationalized. Anything that threatens to burst the bubble of fantasy is met with extreme resentment and even anger, so those around the narcissist learn to be careful about their denial of reality.

You need constant praise and admiration.

A narcissist's sense of superiority is like a balloon gradually deflating without a constant stream of applause and approval to keep it inflated. Occasional compliments are not enough. Narcissists need constant ego nourishment, so they surround themselves with people who are willing to satisfy their obsessive need for assertiveness. These relationships are very one-sided. It's about what the admirer can do for the narcissist, never the other way around. And when there is an interruption or decrease in attention and praise from the admirer, the narcissist treats it as a betrayal.

law

Because they believe they are special, narcissists expect the favorable treatment they deserve. They genuinely believe that they should get what they want. They also expect their environment to automatically fulfill their every wish and whim. This is your only value. If you don't anticipate and meet all your needs, then you are useless. And if you have the nerve to defy their will or “selfishly” demand something in return, be prepared for aggression, outrage, or indifference.

Takes advantage of others without guilt or shame

Narcissists never develop the ability to identify with the feelings of others, to put themselves in the shoes of others. In other words, they lack.Empathy🇧🇷 In many ways, they see the people in their lives as objects, there to meet their needs. Consequently, they do not hesitate to take advantage of others to achieve their own ends. Sometimes this interpersonal exploration is malicious, but often it is simply unconscious. Narcissists simply don't think about how their behavior affects others. And when you point it out, they still don't get it. The only thing they understand is their own needs.

Often puts others down, harasses, bullies, or puts them down

Narcissists feel threatened when they meet someone who seems to have something they lack, especially those who are self-assured and popular. They are also threatened by people who do not bow down to them or challenge them in any way. His defense mechanism is contempt. The only way to defuse the threat and keep your ego weak is to take these people down. They may do so in a condescending or dismissive way, as if to show how little the other person means to them. Or attack with insults, insults,bullyingand threats to reconcile the other person.

Different types of narcissists

Narcissism comes in many forms. Adaptive narcissism occurs when a person with this disorder is prone to positive traits, such as confidence and self-esteem, which may actually be healthy. It can help someone, for example, to have great career aspirations or to enjoy fulfilling relationships without being overly dependent on a partner.

Maladaptive narcissism, on the other hand, is characterized by toxic traits such as the entitlement and willingness to exploit others. Different forms of maladaptive narcissism include:

open or big Narcissism.Open narcissists tend to be outgoing, but they are also uncooperative, selfish, and bossy. Their exaggerated self-image and high self-esteem make them confident and assertive. However, they also tend to overestimate their own emotional intelligence.

Covert or vulnerable narcissism.It is common to think of all narcissists as dominant and suppressive in social situations. However, covert narcissists are introverts. They are very sensitive to criticism and suffer from low self-esteem. They can be defensive and passive-aggressive, but they overestimate their emotional abilities less than overt narcissists.

community narcissism.Community narcissists tend to view themselves as altruistic and claim to care deeply about justice. They present themselves to others as supportive and altruistic. However, their behavior is motivated by a desire for social power and a sense of superiority or entitlement. Because of this, your actions don't always align with your beliefs.

antagonistic narcissism.Unlike communal narcissists, antagonistic narcissists take a highly competitive approach to social interactions. They often exhibit zero-sum thinking, believing that there is a "loser" and a "winner" in every situation. This worldview makes them aggressive and hostile. You can be quick to put others down and forgive slowly or reluctantly.

malignant narcissism.Malignant narcissism can be a more destructive form of personality disorder. Aside from the typical signs of narcissism, a malignant narcissist can be aggressive, paranoid, or sadistic, enjoying other people's pain. They are prone to antisocial behavior and disregard for the rights or safety of others.

Dealing with a Narcissist: Don't Fall for the Fantasy

Narcissists can be very attractive and charming. They are very good at creating a fantastic and flattering self-image that attracts us. We are drawn to his apparent confidence and lofty dreams, and the more our self-esteem is shaken, the more seductive the seduction becomes. It's easy to get caught in their web, believing that they are fulfilling our desire to make us feel more important and alive. But it's just a fantasy, and boy.

Their needs are not met (or even recognized).It is important to remember that narcissists are not looking for partners; They look for obedient admirers. Your only value to the narcissist is being someone who can tell him how well he can maintain his insatiable ego. Your desires and feelings do not count.

See how the narcissist treats others.If the narcissist lies, manipulates, hurts, and disrespects others, they will end up treating you the same way. Do not fall into the fantasy that you are different and you will be saved.

Take off your rose-colored glasses.It's important to see the narcissist in your life for who they really are, not how you want them to be. Stop making excuses for bad behavior or minimizing the pain it causes you. Denial will not make it go away. The reality is that narcissists are very resistant to change, so the real question to ask yourself is whether you can live like this indefinitely.

Focus on your own dreams.Instead of getting lost in the illusions of the narcissist, focus on the things you want for yourself. What would you like to change in your life? What gifts would you like to develop? What fantasies do you need to give up to create a more satisfying reality?

PROPAGANDA

set healthy boundaries

healthy relationshipsbased on mutual respect and care. But narcissists are not capable of genuine reciprocity in their relationships. It's not just that they're not ready; they really are incapable. they don't see you they don't hear you They don't recognize you as someone who exists outside of their own needs. Because of this, narcissists regularly violate the boundaries of others. Furthermore, they do so with an absolute sense of entitlement.

Narcissists do not hesitate to break in or borrow your things without asking, snoop through your mail and personal correspondence, eavesdrop on conversations without an invitation, steal your ideas, and give you unwanted opinions and advice. They can even tell you what to think and feel. It is important to recognize these violations for what they are so that you can begin to create healthier boundaries where your needs are respected.

make a planWhen you have a long-standing pattern of allowing others to overstep your boundaries, regaining control isn't easy. Set yourself up for success by carefully weighing your goals and possible obstacles. What are the key changes you want to achieve? Is there anything you have tried with the narcissist in the past that has worked? Something you don't have? What is the balance of power between you and how will that affect your plan? How will you enforce your new limits? Answering these questions will help you evaluate your options and develop a realistic plan.

Consider a soft approach.If maintaining your relationship with the narcissist is important to you, you need to be careful. By pointing out their unhealthy or dysfunctional behavior, you damage your own image of perfection. Try to convey your message calmly, respectfully, and kindly. Focus on how their behavior makes you feel, not on their motivations and intentions. If you react with anger and defensiveness, try to remain calm. If necessary, walk away and come back to the conversation later.

Don't set limits unless you are willing to stick to them.You can count on the narcissist to rebel against new boundaries and test your limits, so be prepared. Follow up with all specified consequences. When you withdraw, you send the message that you don't need to be taken seriously.

Be prepared for more changes in the relationship.The narcissist will feel threatened and annoyed by your attempts to take control of his life. You are used to being in charge. To compensate, they may increase their demands on other aspects of the relationship, withdraw to punish you, or try to manipulate or seduce you into breaking new boundaries. It's up to you to assert yourself.

PROPAGANDA

Don't take things personally

To protect themselves from feelings of inferiority and shame, narcissists must always deny their flaws, cruelties, and shortcomings. They often do this by projecting their own mistakes onto others. It is very annoying to be blamed for something that is not your fault or characterized with negative traits that you do not have. But as hard as it is, try not to take it personally. It's not really about you.

Don't accept the narcissistic version of who you are.Narcissists don't live in reality, and that includes their opinions about other people. Don't let their shame-blame game undermine your self-esteem. Refuse to accept blame, finger pointing, or undeserved criticism. The narcissist must maintain this negativity.

Don't argue with a narcissist.When attacked, the natural instinct is to fight back and prove the narcissist wrong. But no matter how rational you are or how strong your arguments, they probably won't listen to you. And a discussion on this point can escalate the situation in a very uncomfortable way. Don't waste your breath. Simply tell the narcissist that you disagree with their assessment and move on.

know yourselfThe best defense against the narcissist's insults and projections is a strong sense of self. When you know your own strengths and weaknesses, it's easier to dismiss unfair criticism of you.

Let go of the need for approval.It is important to get away from the mind of the narcissist and any desire to please or placate him at his expense. You have to accept knowing the truth about yourself, even if the narcissist sees the situation differently.

Look elsewhere for support and purpose.

If you want to be in a relationship with a narcissist, be honest with yourself about what you can and cannot expect. A narcissist will not grow into someone who truly appreciates you, so you will have to look elsewhere for emotional support and fulfillment.

Learn what healthy relationships look like.If you come from a narcissistic family, you may not have a very good idea of ​​what a narcissist is.healthy give and takeThis. The narcissistic pattern of dysfunction may be comfortable for you. Just remember that even though it sounds familiar, it also makes you feel bad. In a reciprocal relationship, you will feel respected, heard, and free to be yourself.

Spend time with people who honestly show you who you are.To keep perspective and not fall prey to the narcissist's distortions, it's important to spend time with people who know you for who you really are and who validate your thoughts and feelings.

making new friends, if necessary, out of the orbit of the narcissist.Some narcissists isolate the people in their lives in order to better control them. If this is your situation, you need to invest time in rebuilding lost friendships ormaintain new relationships.

Look for meaning and purpose into work,voluntary workand hobbies.Instead of reaching out to the narcissist to make you feel good, engage in meaningful activities that use your talents and allow you to contribute.

How to leave a narcissist

Ending an abusive relationship is never easy. Breaking up with a narcissist can be especially difficult since he can be so charming and charismatic, at least in the early stages of the relationship or when he threatens to walk away. It's easy to become disoriented by the narcissist's manipulative behavior, get caught up in the need to gain his approval, or even feel "enlightened" and question his own judgment. if you arecodependiente, your desire to be loyal may even outweigh your need to maintain your security and self-confidence. But it's important to remember that no one deserves to be bullied, threatened, or verbally and emotionally abused in a relationship. There are ways to escape the narcissist, and the guilt and self-blame, and start the healing process.

Learn about Narcissistic Personality Disorder🇧🇷 The more you understand, the more you will be able to recognize the techniques a narcissist might use to keep you in the relationship. When you threaten to walk away, a narcissist will often reignite the flattery and adoration (“love bombing”) that got you interested in him in the first place. Or they will make big promises about changing their behavior that they don't want to keep.

Write the reasons why you are leaving🇧🇷 Being clear about why you need to end the relationship can help prevent you from getting sucked into it again. Keep your list in a handy place, e.g. B. on your phone, and refer to it when you start to have doubts or when the narcissist is putting on the charm or making extravagant promises.

seek support🇧🇷 During your time together, the narcissist may have damaged your relationships with friends and family or restricted your social life. But whatever your circumstances, you are not alone. Even if you can't find contact with old friends, you can find help in self-help groups ordomestic violenceemergency numbers and shelters.

Don't make empty threats🇧🇷 A better tactic is to accept that the narcissist is not going to change, and when they are ready, just walk away. Threats or advertisements will only alert the narcissist and make it harder for you to escape.

If you are physically threatened or abused, seek help immediately.🇧🇷 Call 911 in the US or the local emergency service in your country.

For more tips on how to quit smoking, seeHow to get out of an abusive relationship.

after you left

Leaving a narcissist can be a huge blow to your sense of entitlement and self-esteem. Their huge ego still needs to be fed, so they will keep trying to control you. When charm and love bombing don't work, they may resort to threats, smear you with mutual friends and acquaintances, or stalk you on social media or in person.

Cut off all contact with the narcissist🇧🇷 The more contact you have with them, the more hope you give them that they can bring you back. It's safer to block their calls, texts, emails, and disconnect from them on social media. If you have children together, bring them with you to any planned custody transfers.

allow yourself to suffer.Breakups can be very painful., whatever the circumstances. Even ending a toxic relationship can leave you feeling sad, angry, confused, and grieving over the loss of shared dreams and commitments. It can take time to heal, so take it easy and ask family and friends for support.

Don't expect the narcissist to share your pain🇧🇷 Once they understand that you are no longer feeding their ego, the narcissist will likely soon move on to exploiting someone else. You won't feel loss or guilt, just the endless need for praise and admiration. This is not a reflection of you, but rather an illustration of how your relationships are always one-sided.

If you need help with Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Due to the nature of the disorder, most people with NPD are reluctant to admit they have a problem, and even more reluctant to seek help. Even if this is the case, narcissistic personality disorder can be very difficult to treat. But that does not mean that there is no hope or that change is not possible. Mood stabilizers, antidepressants, and antipsychotic medications are sometimes prescribed in severe cases or when your NPD coexists with another disorder. However, in most casespsychotherapyIt is the main form of treatment.

By working with a qualified therapist, you can learn to take responsibility for your actions, develop better judgment, and build healthier relationships. you can also workDeveloping your emotional intelligence(equalizer). EQ is the ability to understand, use, and manage your emotions in positive ways to empathize with others, communicate effectively, and build strong relationships. It is important to note that the skills that make up emotional intelligence can be learned at any time.

Autores: Melinda Smith, MA y Lawrence Robinson

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Last updated: November 30, 2022